i wonder...

a lot of things around you really don't have any viable solutions. is there any point in trying so hard to seek solutions? isn't it easier to just live with them without bothering?

u can get hit by truck if u go for a drive... does it mean u stop driving?
u can get an upset stomach eating out... does it mean u stay indoors?

where do u draw the line between being cautious and overreacting?

how about trying to live and enjoy the present with no baggage from the past and no fears of the future? is that being happy or is it being reckless?

on a lighter tone... we celebrated our frustrations with exams by filling up a plastic bucket with xeroxed notes and setting it to fire in the wing. to fuel the fire, we sprayed a deo on the burning mass every now and then. i saw some amazing flares, streams of flaming liquid plastic, huge mass of blach ash. to top it off, we dropped a deo spray can into the flame at the end and watched it explode with a bang, sending little metal projectiles whizzing just past me.

its 5

its 5 pm.

my exam is tomorrow morning 9.30.

my preparation so far:- 10 hrs of sleep, one samosa, one pepsi, one mountain dew, some car driving, one monginis pizza, an hour on newspaper, palm reading session, radio, xeroxing notes.

kuch to ho jayega... :)

firsts

Coffee and an amazing time.

When you least expect it, when you seem so convinced that life sucks, things take a sudden U-turn and make you feel bright and happy again.

A lot of firsts for late last night:

- First time I had an espresso shot. And not just one, but three at mocha. Kicked off my senses :)
- First time drove my own car without headlights on at night. Scary indeed. But then thats what happens when ppl leave your lights on and drain the battery.
- First time drove a five gear, power steering, power windows, air-conditioned, diesel engine, big car - a swanky new Indigo through the glittering midnight streets to the airport and back.
- First time stripped someone in public and in the open. Lol. Sorry pc. U can have your belongings back any time. :D
- First time used foul language aloud in public, Kshitij being the lucky recipient :P
- First time had so much fun in the last few weeks! Oh yes, I remember I have two exams etc to go. All that will be managed.

A lot of new beginnings. And a lot of past left behind. No regrets. Time to look ahead. The future is coming on and I only see it getting better.

Waiting for 2nd Dec... then its MI time!

not now john..

car working again.
comp works occasionally
project presentation went smoothly.
placement form work mostly completed.
things have gotten back to what they should be.
thank goodness!

rediscovered this song:

not now john
we've got to get on with the film show
hollywood waits at the end of the rainbow
who cares what it's all about
as long as the kids go
not now john
got to get on with the show

-- "Not Now John" by Pink Floyd.

It brought back pleasant memories of my sophie year, a year of innocence, bliss, discovery, and wonder. those were the best times of my stay in IIT.

exams coming up... last couple of days of mugging in a long time and still i feel lazy :)

blur

there is a blur....
... between right and wrong
... between dreams and reality
... between passion and obsession
... between guts and foolishness
... between ecstasy and melancholy

sometimes life takes you by surprise. one minute you find yourself soaring above the stars. the next sinking in my own illusions. up and down.

talk of up and down... i wonder if any of the expected waveforms from my CE project would actually show up in tomorrow's evaluation.

and some fool left my car headlights on. so the battery ran down. god knows what it would cost to get it running again.

have been riding a bike for past few hours and trust me... a bike in the chilly winter is awesome. its the first time in months i am riding one.

a lot of first times for one day.

the times

The times are not good. I had a rocking paper yesterday. 5 questions. 3 hours. Took one hour to solve the first one. Felt happy to have done it properly. Decided to speed up in order to finish rest of paper. 30 mins later... paper over!

How did this happen? Well I knew nothing in the rest of the paper! Absolute blank. To top it off I realize later my first question solution is also partly flawed. The same course has a hardware project submission for tomorrow. And I can bet our setup wont work. The times are not good but I can't seem to care about it anymore. Will be glad to pass and get done with it.

The times are cold. I felt the chilly wind when sitting behind on a bike on the poolside road. The December cold makes me nostalgic. Last December was a magical time for me. A scooty, MoodI, life, love, and insanity. Now another winter.. and a lot in store this time. Another MoodI, placements, life!

The times are cold. Sometimes you are sad. Sometimes you are excited. Sometimes you want to talk. Sometimes you want to be alone. But the times are cold. You always end up getting a frostbite.

The times are busy. ES exam today. CE project tomorrow. 3 forms to fill for placements. BTP presentation coming up. EDL presentation soon. 2 screwing papers. Lots of MI work to be sorted out. Busy times indeed. In the midst of everything, you still feel like squeezing out a few hours for some treasured activity or some recreation. But it doesnt always turn out the way you hoped though :).

The times are busy. I have been irregular with blogging too! This long post should compensate. I saw snow a year and a half back. Now its snowing again.

randomness and the head

I gave an exam in random variables and probability this afternoon. Now I have a weird feeling in my head. Of vagueness blended with clarity.
Vague since the paper I attempted left me pretty clueless for most part of the three hours I spent in the examination hall.
Clear since I know for certain that I dont have a future in theoretical mathematics.
Vague since I dont usually prepare so carelessly for an exam (4 days totalling to 30 mins of study over the weekend, a trip to CCD yesterday, averaging 10 hours of sleep).
Clear because I know my marks in the paper would be just the same even if I had prepared thrice as hard.
Vague since I dont know whats going to follow the rest of today.
Clear that I want to sleep another 10 hours tonight.

Basically the world is full of confused people trying to present a clear picture of themselves. Some appear to be confident, some appear to be in tatters. But look closer and everyone is pretty much confused. Life is too random anyways. Maybe things get sorted out with time or they get altogether replaced by new issues. Maybe.

And I guess sleep will for now sweep off all the randomness in my head and set me up for a clean start tomorrow. Another exam looms in the horizon.

there goes another sunday

Free food at renaissance.

Boring PPT.

Dull day.

Hours designing a PCB.

Filling silly forms.

Exams ahead.

Underprepared.

Nothing new :)

How much importance should one give to one's image and impression in public? Should one be undeterred by gossip and immune to slander behind one's back? Or should one be overly protective of one's image since people who dont know you personally rate you on its basis? Sometimes its amazing to hear the kind of opinions people carry about you. I have been guilty of mud slinging too in the past. I try particularly hard to avoid the same now. I guess this is just another one of the basic fallacies of man.

The others being greed, envy, mistrust, selfishness, lust.... the list can go on.

power cuts

A power cut in the middle of the afternoon can throw a lot of plans into disarray. It could mean lazing in bed for the next few hours. It could mean breakdown of communication channels. It could mean disruption of some activity you were keen upon.

It could also give u time to sit and reflect. To appreciate the simplicity of a world where moving electrons dont matter.

Someone casually told me today that all the thing appearing to glitter at a distance rarely happen to be genuine precious stones. But still we continue to be obsessed by outwards appearances! Or we continue to live in castles of sand built in the air... mirages and illusions.

I see the world in ways that I would like to see it. I don't know where the lines exist between reality and fantasy. It takes guts to discover and then accept this divide.

turnaround!

Things changed:
1. comp started working
2. tyre got replaced.. left me Rs. 1400 poorer
3. arbit things are a a part of my routine.. life would be boring without them!
4. my btp guide is cool... he took 5 minutes to see my report and had absolutely no complaints
5. spoke to reco profs.. even they are not gonna give any trouble
6. a black forest pastry with a cherry on top is the ultimate mood alleviator
7. i cant get myself to panic for exams 3 days away!

bad day!

punctured tyre
disfunctional comp
screwing exams ahead
arbit things in life

and then i saw the "aashiq banaya" music video to make things worse!!!

come 2nd December!

maybe...

Maybe the sun will never set
Maybe I will never forget
Maybe words dont mean a thing
Maybe I could grow a wing
Maybe they will leave the past
Maybe this moment will last
Maybe dreams come true
Maybe the sea will embrace you

exam time

I have always observed the following things in me during exam time:

1. An increased consumption of chocolates.
2. Desire to sleep endlessly.
3. Tendency to select a few songs and listen to them continuously.
   
4. A lost sinking feeling immediately after dinner.
5. A feeling of carelessness and nirvana in the evening.
6. Keen desire to take upon all those hobbies and recreation measures I hadn't bothered about during the sem.
7. A lot of time spent idling before comp.
8. A tremendous restlessness within.
   
9. A yearning for exams to end coupled with plans and fantasies of the things I would do the day they end.
10. A mild feeling of guilt for not attending classes, maintaining notes, studying throughout the sem and messing up all quizzes and assignments.
11. A slight contempt and yet admiration for people who manage to study so effortlessly.
    

interesting definition

Envy, n.:
Wishing you'd been born with an unfair advantage, instead of having to try and acquire one.

pondering over coffee

Went to CCD with Sumit and Rathi. Must have seen atleast 25 females in a span of one hour. One of the was extremely hot. The other was fairly cute. The rest were totally ugly.

Later on I was sipping on ice tea at Juhu Mocha and the statistics were no better.

If 2 out of 25 females classify as good looking, and the world has roughly as many men as women.. it clearly means 92% of us guys are gonna end up with not-hot women!

SCARY :(

But then life is full of surprises, one minute you are making big plans to study at night, the next you are strolling amidst the cool sea breeze miles away from here. Probably it was the moonlight.

its over :)

Its done.. it finally is :) Now i gotta wait and watch what my guide has to say about it. I am free once again.. anyone else bored and wants to have fun?

Have been listening to this song, its got an enchanting feel to it:-

I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins
Like dolphins can swim
Though nothing
Will keep us together
We can beat them
For ever and ever
Oh we can be heroes
Just for one day

-- "Heroes" - by The Wallflowers.

food food

You step into the mess only to find dull vegetables and watery daal. What do you do next?

Canteen?.. Neah

You end up eating chicken pizza and lasagne at Pop Tates :) Awesome food, affordable, live music, cool drive.

Now back to the realities of BTP. Am halfway through with it. Should finish it tonight hopefully.

do we rebel?

Everyday I find myself in situations where I feel trapped in a world governed by rules, procedures, rituals, traditions, illusions.

Sometimes, all of these seem entirely pointless.

• Why do we go through the same old routines we have been taught?
  
• Why do we need to abide by rules that have long since lost their significance to us?
  
• Why do we have to behave in the so-called acceptable ways in order to avoid people raising an eyebrow?
• Why do we have to confine ourselves to existing social hierarchies and expectations?
• Why can't we be truly free to do what we please as long as we are not bothering others?

Should we rebel and break out? Or just stay within the confinements of all those structures that have surrounded us? Are these structures and webs setup to support us or are they just holding us back?

Chocolates are almost over. But you can still drop in here. Who knows, you may be lucky to find some left :)

Quizzes happen.. BTP happens.. deadlines come and go. The world moves on, why should I ever stop?

i wonder how.. i wonder why

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

-- "Lemon Tree" by Fool's Garden

Its amazing how vulnerable we humans are. Little things make us happy beyond bounds and trivial things hurt us like there is no tomorrow. One minute we attain clarity and focus, the next we deviate again. Perhaps we think too much... Perhaps I think too much!

Here is a pic I took a long time back. Of a bird soaring through the rainy skies. Nothing to hold it back! Fly away!

beyond the windscreen..

Beyond the windscreen...
... there lies a lonely road tempting you to step on the accelerator
... there lies a life full of U-turns and crazy windings
... there lies a world with a strange concoction of stories to tell
... there lies a vague nebula of hopes and fears
... there lies a future beckoning you to embrace it

If only petrol was cheaper... :(

drive on....

90 km/hr.. trying to chew a Twix.. the wind in my hair.. loud music on the stereo.. open highway ahead.

Wild time last night. Bandra is one hell of a place to be - young zangy crowd, glittering stores, exotic eateries, shimmering sea, wanton breeze. All you need is a car, some fuel, a little cash, and good company. Time is never a constraint :)

BTP and all will fall into place.. who cares!

Here we go!

Bored! Dont feel like doing BTP!

Blogging looks like fun. Gonna blog for the first time in public domain.

Here is the pic on my present desktop! The awesome black skyline of Hong Kong at night. I still remember the cool wind blowing in my face while I took this pic.

The city.. it calls to me. I will go back again. Someday. With a lot more money to spend this time :)

For now, all I got is a handful of pics, a few left over chocolates, some Hongkong coins and a bunch of wonderful memories. And yes .. a lot of BTP nbd of course :P