moments

"Have you ever been happier than you are right now?"
I saw this line on a signboard 2 months back. And its the same line that comes back to me everytime I feel crazily happy. There are those moments when everything seems just perfect, life is about as good as it gets and your brains are overflowing with joy. And these are the moments you wish to stretch forever...

But they dont last, nothing lasts. Sooner or later, the spell is broken. Something or the other comes up and you find yourself back to your same old routines.

Sometimes however, these moments are so overpowering that the effect hangs on for a long time. And just recalling them makes you feel good.

?

i like to get introspective at times and ask myself a few questions:-

1. what does one seek from life? success, love, happiness, peace? do i even understand what each of these mean? is there a final goal that i want to achieve, something that would give purpose to my actions?
2. why is it so easy to brood over the past and get sad? why is it so easy to get pessimistic and view everything that happened in negative light? why cant just one let go of the past?
3. after 22 years, why do i feel lost and directionless today? its a question of where am i today and where do i go from here? am i heading in the directions i ought to, or am i just being carried away somewhere by the tide?
4. does the present matter or the future? this question has troubled me for two years specifically. maybe i prefer to be a reckless youngster than a mature adult.
5. how much do the ppl around me matter? how many of those that matter today will matter 6 months later when i am in an entirely new setting? how much will i continue to bond with them? will the same old warmth remain?
6. is it possible to be totally unselfish? is it possible to make others happy without seeking anything in return? maybe its possible at times... but does this really last?
7. how much should one value money? should i be guilty if i am spendthrift? how do i know whether i am being miserly or frugal, generous or prodigal?
8. honesty, integrity, ethics.... ppl trample over them all the time, ppl practice double standards.. i myself do. is it possible (practical?) to strictly adhere to ethics and honesty all the time?
9. what is love? what makes ppl fall in love? and more importantly, what makes ppl fall out of love?

i dont think there are definite answers to any of these. each person will have their own philosophy and opinion. if someone cares to share their views with me, i ll be pretty interested.

nostalgia

i dont blog regularly any more. i wonder why? i guess i dont know what to write anymore. life is full of things too trivial to blog about or things too personal to share.

i saw a whole lot of ppl getting drunk in nostalgia and emotion over valfis and treats. ppl talk abt missing iit, abt how wonderful their stay has been, abt how amazing the ppl around them are.

out of curiosity, i try to get nostalgic and senti too. so.. will i miss iit too? i am really not sure. i had an eventful four years no doubt, but when i look back at them i just feel a snese of blankness. its not like memories are springing at me all over the place. i barely see one or two blurred visions of the years that went by. i have to actually strain my mind to recall the memories i would like to get lost in.

and abt the ppl i have met here... i have lost touch with so many. ppl who today pass by me without a smile of recognition. and there are those i am close to today, whom i practically meet or talk to everyday. i know most of them wont be leaving my life, and i ll be in touch with them for sometime atleast.

and hence even after much straining, i cant get myself to be nostalgic or senti over iit. it just seems superficial. in fact i am waiting to get out of this place. pretty fed up of it in some ways.